she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Found your dick twin last night
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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