we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
