I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
