Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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