people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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