i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
