just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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