dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
