every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
