Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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