we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.