You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...