I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.