Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
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Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
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idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE