i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
as a side note pls kill me
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP