oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX