And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I didn't shave. On purpose
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.