So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
