Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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