Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
