you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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