Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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