things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
