I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
