He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize