Texts From Last Night

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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.

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  (610): Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore. http://tfl.nu/f91d
  Replies (55) Good night (7265) Bad night (1201)
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  (949): View more from California

  Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.

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  (949): Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever. http://tfl.nu/rea8
  Replies (358) Good night (24458) Bad night (7571)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s

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  (631): Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s http://tfl.nu/25cx
  Replies (17) Good night (4255) Bad night (590)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.

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  (313): I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god. http://tfl.nu/nh0e
  Replies (15) Good night (3135) Bad night (698)
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  (607): View more from New York

  Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?

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  (607): Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved? http://tfl.nu/p303
  Replies (20) Good night (3783) Bad night (962)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.

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  (419): I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf. http://tfl.nu/4l78
  Replies (41) Good night (1722) Bad night (9500)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin

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  (847): but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin http://tfl.nu/l2xr
  Replies (11) Good night (5841) Bad night (1072)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.

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  (+61): It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination. http://tfl.nu/nbvv
  Replies (3) Good night (2894) Bad night (802)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?

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  (360): Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident? http://tfl.nu/46ya
  Replies (16) Good night (3178) Bad night (1994)
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  (310): View more from California

  If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place

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  (310): If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place http://tfl.nu/skdk
  Replies (11) Good night (1756) Bad night (568)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.

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  (815): I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good. http://tfl.nu/gzj9
  Replies (6) Good night (522) Bad night (925)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.

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  (817): You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres. http://tfl.nu/or4y
  Replies (3) Good night (1729) Bad night (333)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."

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  (304): Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me." http://tfl.nu/56ma
  Replies (2) Good night (770) Bad night (289)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.

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  (406): Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet. http://tfl.nu/hvvl
  Replies (0) Good night (300) Bad night (502)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?

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  (716): Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people? http://tfl.nu/zzej
  Replies (0) Good night (435) Bad night (224)

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