My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.