Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.