sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
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New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
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You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.