problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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