I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?