my phone needs a breathalizer
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
