I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita