Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
