I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
