Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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