Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
