were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
