i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
the day after is always just damage control
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
