My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
