it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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