Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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