If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
