My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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