Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize