I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
