I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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