Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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