you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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