oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
