you thought your balls were fighting each other...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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