Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
