My hand turned me down
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
