I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
