Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
