Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
