Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
