Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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