I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
