Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Terrible idea I love it
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
