ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
