if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
