She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
