Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
