Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
