I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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