he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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