i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
