I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I need moral support for this bender
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
