And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
