So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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