I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize