I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
