you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
