Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
