u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i think my tv is drunk
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
