Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
